


Begin Again

by authorette



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Basically Just Smut, F/F, Reunion Sex, with some feelings interspersed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21548791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authorette/pseuds/authorette
Summary: “Last night was...”“Mmh hmm...”My take on the reunion sex that we’ve all been picturing since they got back together.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 29
Kudos: 246





	Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TryingToGetSomewhereReal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TryingToGetSomewhereReal/gifts).



> I took one for the team and wrote what is possibly my dirtiest story yet? You can all blame TryingToGetSomewhereReal, who asked for this, and because she leaves the absolute best comments on all my fic I couldn’t stop until I’d written it for her. So there.

**Begin Again**

“You’ve still got hoover dust on your nose,” Vanessa tells her, and somehow that sounds like an _I love you_.

The _relief_ that floods Charity makes her almost dizzy, and she can’t wait a second longer. “Come here,” she husks and leans in, and _thank god_ , Vanessa kisses her back. Lets her pull her into her arms and hold her tight.

She exhales a sigh, then. Allows some of the grief, the fear, the regret that’s been weighing on her for the last nine days escape.

And she holds on tightly, despite the fact that she’s still wearing marigolds and Vanessa’s bag is digging into both of them where it hangs on her hip, because none of that matters. Nothing matters except that Vanessa is home.

“I love you,” she whispers in her hair. “I love you so much.”

“So you said.” Vanessa sounds a little choked and when Charity pulls back a lump forms in her throat at how red Vanessa’s eyes are.

When Charity left the café earlier, she’d thought that was it. She’d had hope, before. That she might talk Vanessa round, that Vanessa coming to tell her about the party and then helping to clean up and coming back the next day to check on them _meant_ something.

But in the café, when Vanessa didn’t respond, after Charity opened herself up and laid it all out there for her, and she’d thought that was it. That it was over. That Vanessa would take off the ring that had been a symbol of the fact that Charity had managed to do one thing right in her life, and would finally realise that her life was better without Charity’s mess.

But instead she’s here. Back in Charity’s arms where she belongs.

“I’ve really missed you too, you know,” Vanessa whispers, and a stray tear escapes down her cheek. “Couldn’t stay away even when I tried.”

Charity smiles but she feels herself close to tears as well. 

She’d thought being without Vanessa for the three weeks she’d been in Cornwall and then at her mum’s had been hard. But that was nothing compared to the last week. She’d had no idea, what it was really like to have to live without Vanessa. To go to an empty bed, to realise that Vanessa might never share it with her again.

“I’m so sorry,” she says again, because she needs to keep saying it, needs Vanessa to believe her. “I’m so, so-“

“I know.” Vanessa swallows hard, and something flashes in her eyes . “I know you are.” She tugs her bag over her head and lets it drop to the floor.

“Do you want a brew? Or a wine?” Charity bites her lip. “I know we need to talk more but I just-“

Vanessa’s finger on her lips stops her. “Shh,” she says, and there’s something in her tone that makes Charity pause.

 _Oh_.

“I don’t want to talk right now,” Vanessa tells her, reaching for her hand and gently tugging at the tip of each finger of the left glove, then carefully pulling it off before reaching for the second hand. “I want you to show me how much you’ve missed me.”

She hasn’t been close to Vanessa like this in a month, and that fact hits home pretty hard the second Vanessa slips out of her jacket and then kisses her with purpose and an open mouth.

She’s been too deeply sad, too sick with worry about her kids and grandkids and with grief over Vanessa to remember the scenarios she’d dreamt up for Vanessa’s homecoming: candles, a bath together in the big tub, slowly welcoming her home.

But the aching desperation to be close to her roars back the minute their tongues slide together and she can’t believe she almost lost _this_.

“No kids home?” Vanessa gasps, and Charity shakes her head, breathless, as they stagger towards the stairs. “Thank god.” 

Charity loves this side of Vanessa. The side she knows hardly anyone has ever got to see before. Vanessa used to tell her that Charity made her lose her mind, and there’s something about that, about knowing what she does to Vanessa, that this feeling is mutual, that makes everything feel heightened, more intense.

“How can anyone look so hot in bloody knitwear,” Charity growls, and Vanessa laughs a little, the sound seeping into her and warming her from the inside out. It’s been so cold without her here.

“This from the woman who just snogged me wearing marigolds.” Vanessa kisses her again, slow and deep, as the stumble across the landing to the bedroom. _Their_ bedroom. 

There’s so much Charity wants, needs to say. About how much Vanessa makes everything better. About how she can’t live without her, not now that she knows what it’s like to live with her. How nothing, _nothing_ has felt right since Vanessa walked out of the pub last Monday.

But now is not for that. Now they need to feel each other, reconnect. Have physical evidence that they’re back together, belong to each other again.

Charity feels oddly nervous, like it’s the first time even though she’s been with Vanessa hundreds of times. 

This feels different, though. It’s a second chance she’s desperate not to mess up, and it makes her hands tremble a little as she pulls Vanessa’s jumper over her head.

There’s a comfort to how well she knows the skin in front of her. To recognise the freckles, the little marks. She trails a finger along the white, jagged scar that almost cost her Vanessa and feels Vanessa tremble against her in answer.

“I can’t believe how long it’s been since we did this,” Vanessa moans as Charity unclasps her bra and touches her softly.

Normally Charity would make a sarcastic comment about how that’s all Vanessa’s fault for staying away so long, but she can’t. All the words have dried up. The relief is so sharp she almost feels drunk with it. The world is a blur and all she can see clearly is Vanessa.

And Vanessa’s firm with her, keeps her anchored: she tugs Charity towards her by her belt loops and kisses her thoroughly while popping open the button of her jeans and pulling down the zip.

Charity feels like every part of her skin Vanessa touches is on fire. And the look in Vanessa’s eyes, dark blue, pupils blown with desire, makes her almost desperate to pull her down onto the bed.

But when she moves to push Vanessa backwards, Vanessa shakes her head.

“I don’t think so,” she husks, pushing Charity’s knickers down so they’re both finally naked.

“Babe?” She hardly recognises her own voice, it’s so husky.

“You don’t get to be in charge today,” Vanessa tells her, stepping closer. “I don’t think you deserve it, do you?”

A helpless moan escapes Charity, because this doesn’t happen very often but when it does, Vanessa really goes for it.

“Lie on the bed,” Vanessa instructs, and Charity obeys without thought, without question. There’s not a single thing she can think of that she wouldn’t give Vanessa right now if she asked for it. 

Vanessa straddles her, and the warm wetness against her stomach makes her buck her hips. Vanessa leans down for a messy, open mouthed kiss, but when Charity slides her hands into her hair, Vanessa pulls back and gently clasps her wrists. 

“Keep them here,” she tells her, quietly but firmly, and places them above her head. 

Charity bites her lip and nods. She’s desperate to touch Vanessa, to show her how sorry she is, but she knows Vanessa needs this. To feel in control. 

Vanessa pauses, stroking her face gently. “You ok?” she checks, and when Charity nods frantically before she’s even finished speaking, she smiles, and it makes Charity’s heart clench. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Charity rasps out. Vanessa’s hair is mussed and falling out of her ponytail and her lipstick is smudged, but her eyes have lost that red, I’ve-been-crying-all-morning tint and are instead dark and heavy with arousal.

Vanessa blushes and looks down, like she always does when Charity gives her a compliment, and Charity feels abruptly so full of love that she might burst.

It must show on her face, because Vanessa softens and melts into her and they kiss for so long that Charity’s lips feel swollen and her body _aches_ for Vanessa when they finally part.

It seems Vanessa’s in the mood to tease: she trails her index finger slowly down Charity’s chest, scratching her short nail lightly across the skin, and laughs a little when Charity shivers in response. 

Vanessa moves to straddle her thigh and slides her finger slowly down to the wetness gathering between Charity’s legs and Charity emits a noise that’s somewhere between a wail and a moan. She’s so ready it’s almost painful, but Vanessa’s touching to tease, not to please, and it’s so good and so painfully not enough.

“Vanessa,” she gasps, but she knows it won’t do any good. This is Vanessa’s show and deep down Charity knows she needs this just as much as Vanessa does. To let Vanessa take the lead.

“Worked up already?” Vanessa teases, but her voice is low and Charity can feel against her thigh how affected Vanessa is already as well.

“Don’t know why you’re surprised,” Charity hisses as Vanessa starts stroking her lightly, so gently that she has to grit her teeth. “It’s been bloody weeks.”

“It’s a shame we never got round to doing this when I got back,” Vanessa whispers, leaning down to catch Charity’s earlobe between her teeth, a move that always drives her wild. “I was wearing a special surprise for you and everything.”

Charity’s eyes fly open. “I’m sorry.” For the millionth time in the last week and a half she could kick herself and her idiocy. 

Vanessa pulls back, looking contrite. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like a guilt trip. I was only teasing.”

Charity reaches out and pushes one of the loose strands of hair behind Vanessa’s ears, watching as Vanessa leans into the soft touch and then kisses her wrist.

The way they can go from hot and heavy to tender and back in seconds is something Charity can’t get enough of. Before Vanessa, this level of lust usually entailed an element of danger, risk. Pain, more often than not.

She didn’t know feeling safe could be such a turn on before Vanessa brought it to her bedroom.

“Are you disobeying me already?” Vanessa asks, her tone light as she gently pushes Charity’s arm back down. “Just for that, I’m going to make you wait.”

“No!” Charity whines but it’s too late; Vanessa’s pulled her hand away and it’s trailing it up her own thigh.

It suddenly feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room as Vanessa sits up a little and spreads her legs. 

“Serves you right,” Vanessa moans, letting her own hand work between her legs. 

Charity can feel how fast Vanessa is rubbing her clit because she’s pressed right up against Charity’s thigh and it’s so hot she clenches her thighs together to get some sort of friction between her own legs.

“Let me help,” she pleads, clenching her hands together above her head so she doesn’t disobey Vanessa’s instruction again. “Please.”

“Not yet.” Vanessa’s eyes roll back as she hits a particularly good spot and she grinds down onto Charity and Charity’s pretty sure she must have a very stupid, slack jawed expression on her face right now because she can’t look away, can hardly blink in case she misses any of this. 

“Oh _Charity_ ,” Vanessa sighs and Charity digs her nails into her palm to stop herself reaching out before she’s allowed.

Because they’ve played this game before and Vanessa can be very stubborn. And Charity wants to please her so desperately it wins out over her need to touch.

Charity’s no stranger to power games in the bedroom. But with Vanessa, even when she’s not in charge, it feels safe more than anything else. Maybe especially when she’s not in charge. She knows with every fibre of her being that Vanessa would never hurt her on purpose and it’s that that makes Charity want to give her everything. 

And she needs to do this, for herself and for Vanessa. Prove she can be what Vanessa needs. Even if it’s so, so hard not to touch her. This is Vanessa’s show, Vanessa’s call.

Vanessa opens her eyes and looks at her, and her expression softens at whatever she sees on Charity’s face, because she reaches out and takes Charity’s left hand and tugs it between them.

She’s so wet there’s hardly any friction and Charity’s barely grazed Vanessa’s clit three times before she’s coming so hard her whole body shakes with it. It goes on and on and Vanessa clutches at Charity’s arms as she trembles.

“Jesus,” she gasps as she falls forward, resting her damp forehead against Charity’s arm. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah.” Charity’s so turned on she can’t manage anything more and Vanessa smirks a little. 

“Something you need?”

“God, Vanessa, I’m about to spontaneously combust here!” She knows she sounds desperate but she’s beyond caring. “I’m so close already.”

Vanessa’s eyes widen and she slides her hand over Charity’s hip and between her legs, inhaling at the need she finds there.

“God, _Charity_ ,” she starts but there’s no time for anything else; Charity moans loudly and thrusts her hips hard to meet Vanessa’s finger tips and then she’s gone already, coming against Vanessa’s fingers like she’s been dreaming of doing for the last month.

As the tremors slow, Vanessa kisses her softly and sweetly and Charity tugs her into her arms, sighing as she feels their naked bodies intertwine. 

She loves this bit, almost as much as the actual act of sex. That moment where they’re both still clenching and catching their breath, pressed fully against one another.

“God, I’ve missed you,” Vanessa sighs, and Charity feels inexplicably close to tears.

She feels the sudden, desperate urge to tell Vanessa something. Something to thank her for forgiving her, for giving her another chance. For not giving up on their love despite Charity giving her every reason to.

“The casino thing,” she says softly, and sees out of the corner of her eye that Vanessa lifts her head to look at her, “it wasn’t about us.” She swallows hard. “I know that sounds daft, and I was so stupid, but at the time, I wasn’t thinking about us.”

Charity reaches down and weaves her fingers through Vanessa’s, who gives her a little squeeze of encouragement.

“It’s just that scams, that’s what we do. Dingles, I mean.” She sighs. “And I’ve always been pretty good at them. For a long time, it was one of the only ways I was part of the family.” Her voice shakes a little. “I’d be the lookout or the decoy. And so when Mandy asked me, it was like muscle memory.” She runs her thumb over the back of Vanessa’s hand. “And yeah, ok, there’s a rush that comes with it too. But it wasn’t the same as I remembered it being. After we got away, when I came home, and you and the boys were there, what I’d done just felt empty.”

“Charity,” Vanessa starts but Charity shakes her head to silence her.

“I just…it was still so new, having you around. That feeling of being happy just where I was, with who I was, finally.” She feels her voice catch a little and clears her throat, staring up at the ceiling intensely so she doesn’t have to see Vanessa’s expression. “I forgot that I didn’t have to do that anymore. The scamming and the scheming and the trying to get somewhere better. Because I had you.”

“Then why didn’t you just tell me?” Vanessa strokes her face softly, and Charity finally looks at her. Vanessa’s beautiful eyes are swimming with tears.

“Because I was ashamed,” she whispers, voice breaking and her own eyes stinging. “Because I was worried that if I told you, I’d lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Christ, I’d only just convinced you to move in with me and then that?”

“It wasn’t the scam that made me angry,” Vanessa tells her. “It was the lying. I meant what I said. _Anything_ could have happened to you and I wouldn’t have had a clue.”

“I’m sorry.” She is. So, so sorry. The idea of Vanessa getting a call from the hospital, from the police, telling her Charity had been hurt, makes her feels sick. 

“We can get through anything if you tell me the truth,” Vanessa whispers wetly, tears falling freely over her cheeks now. “But we need to trust each other.”

Charity wipes at her own cheeks. “I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my whole life.”

Vanessa’s face crumples and she squeezes her eyes shut. “God, for someone who always says she’s not good at talking about her feelings you’re sure going for it today.”

It’s true. Charity’s not big in displays of emotion, but this is different. Vanessa is different. Hell, she would wear one of those cardboard signs that told everyone how she felt about Vanessa and parade round the village if that’s what it would take.

“I love you.” She tugs Vanessa up and kisses her through her tears. “I love you, I love you, I love-“

She’s cut off by Vanessa’s mouth pressing hotly and firmly against her, and then they roll so Charity’s on top and their chests press together and Charity can feel Vanessa’s hard nipples against her own and god, one minute they’re both in tears and the next one kiss has them both going again.

They kiss again, and Vanessa thrusts up against her and when Charity pulls back, Vanessa’s and chest are flushed with arousal.

“Touch me,” Vanessa pleads, sliding her own hand between Charity’s legs. “Please. Together?”

Charity can only nod helplessly as she reaches down and slides two fingers easily into Vanessa, who cries out so loudly that she’s extremely relieved none of the kids are home.

But then Vanessa’s fingers are inside her as well and it’s so good, so intense, that she moans right along with her.

Despite making the angle more awkward, Charity lets herself fall forward as she thrusts into Vanessa, matching the rhythm she’s got going inside Charity. Their foreheads rest together as they pant and sigh, breath mingling as they work each other up.

“Oh,” Vanessa cries after only a few minutes. “God, I can never last when we do it together like this.” She’s panting with effort not to come and Charity is so overwhelmed with love for her, with desire and possessiveness she can’t reply with words; she just kisses her, sliding her tongue firmly into Vanessa’s mouth and enjoys the way she shivers in response.

They don’t come together; Vanessa’s too wound up for that, and Charity has her turning her head and crying out a couple of minutes before Charity clenches around her fingers, but it’s so good anyway, and she knows it’s not over yet because when she falls down on top of Vanessa, their fingers stay inside each other. This is a rest, not the end. They’ve got a month separated by miles and a week and a half separated by Charity’s idiocy to make up for. And Charity fully intends to make Vanessa come until she passes out. 

“I thought I’d never get to feel like this again,” Vanessa sighs, looking up at Charity so openly it catches her breath. “I was so scared I’d never be this close to you again.”

“Oh, Ness.” 

She opens her mouth, but Vanessa shakes her head. “Don’t tell me.” She rolls them over, and it makes Charity gasp as she feels Vanessa’s fingers still inside of her flutter. She watches as Vanessa leans back and begins slowly riding Charity’s fingers. “Show me. Show me again.”

And Charity does.


End file.
